Life.

Wuddup everyone. I'm in the mood to write. And sorry if it's boring. Sorry if you regret it, at least I decrease your boring-ness, I guess. Haaaaaaa, okay.

You know what? I have something to tell you. It just come out from my mind. I am annoying. And now I'm annoyed. And I'm so difficult. Yeah I meant that. I AM DIFFICULT. Why is it so hard? And I am so mean. So cruel. So heartless. Wait, heartless? No! I still have feelings! I still feel guilty for my cruelty.

I don't know to who I can turn to. For me, it's far more better to talk to a stranger. Who understand. Who don't need to know who made me this. Who's someone easily talk to and comforting. It's just.... I'm tired of this. I'm exhausted. I'm enough with everything.

But it's so hard for me. And the reason? Who to put the blame on? Yes, that's right. Me. Congratulations, you've earn................................................................... sight to read more.

Don't you know? How much I... I... I... okay fine! I'm the problem! I always trip. I always do mistakes. I always choose the wrong decision. Everything always my fault. So many sins I've committed. But what can I do? I can't help it. I can't! This emotion, feelings! I'm a naive teenager. Not so innocent nor gullible I guess, but this experience taught me to be more mature, or strong. And with me being a teenager feels want to die, what will I face when I become adult? What more will I take? What more will come to me? This, being a teenager, is my test to pass and be an adult. And this moment will I spend wisely, have fun, be crazy and all.

But I always make stupid decision. And I always regret. I don't want any regrets. So hard to accept.

I say I'm awesome, fabulous, fantastic and all when my heart says I'm a loser and a failure.

Well, I must accept the reality, throw away those fantasies. I have to stop fantasize. I have to open my eyes and see where am I, what am I. I have to focus on my study, get flying colours result, make my parents proud.

And I have to do my responsibilities as a Muslim. Yes, I admit, I'm.... I'm weak. I don't perform my prayer completely. I have a lot of sins. I always said this, but I keep repeating my mistakes. And I hate that.

I'm a stubborn, too. Like seriously. Really stubborn. I don't easily give up on getting things I want. I'm too stubborn, like example, when I fight, I won't give up no matter if I done something wrong or what. I'm stubborn. And.... I've made my parents disappointed.

I always have excuse on what I do. I always give excuses. And when people don't believe, I say they're fool. Then I got pissed.

LAZINESS. Yes, this uninvited disease always appear. Especially when it comes to study. There's always something that distract me. Like laptop, pen and paper, story books, and mirror or phone. There's always something. And that's how I always got disappointing results.


The truth is, I also actually don't want to be in relationship. For me, I'm still a child, although yeah, sometimes I'm mature. Especially in things called love. Why? Because I read too much, duh. From my previous relationshits, I mean relationships, I've learn a lot of things. What can hurt me, how to impress guys, what is the sign when a guy's in love. And I always dated guys who are not mature. I mean, I don't know, maybe I read and watch love stories too much that I want the man just like that. But no, never. But I'm grateful because that will make me even more.................... lost. Lost in fire of love (oh my god, did I just say that?). More dreaming. No, if possible, when I grow up, I want to be with the one who I never meet right now. Who will I meet in the future. Not from any man I know right now.

Okay, actually, this is not what I want to say, but I just keep on writing what's from my mind. Sorry if there's any bad grammar and abandoned words, something.

By the way, Last year I couple twice, this year also, but in two years, Just three guys. One of them I've coupled twice, and he's the one who taught me how to be in love. And how does it feel, having first fight. How awkward after breakup. Yeah, he is, but he's my history, and I'm not focus on my present, and the future await for me. And study is more important. Okay.

















If only I do mean the word study is important. WAIT, I DO MEAN IT! IT'S JUST THIS FREAKIN LAZINESS AND DISTRACTIONS KEEPS ON PULLING ME.

I'm satisfied now. Goodbye.

xoxo
mah name is najla, love to create drama, don't know why I just love to be gila.
i can rap yo momma momma yo baby haaaaaaaaaaaaaa k.