Trustworthy

Like other teenagers, I am quite rebellious. It's not like I could help it, sometimes it slipped out, you know? Maybe it's a part of growing up... I don't know. Not that I'm proud that I'm a rebel though. Guess rebellion is in every teenagers nature? Well, maybe not all... Even though there are some very goodie goodie teenagers who can't help it.

Either being influenced or they want to live a little...

I'm sure most parents are strict. Of course the reason is because they love their children. They care about their children that they put up some rules and curfews and some scoldings... Which many teenagers annoyed with lol.

But I don't like it when my parents don't trust me AT ALL. Like I'm so bad. They see from general view and they just assume I would. I mean, I'm not that naive. I know, they love me and all, but sometimes when they assumed I would end up trashed, that I just can't accept it. I mean, I'm their daughter and they should trust me more. It's like they compare me to those who are so different from me. Sometimes they take it from the too bad side, sometimes they take it from the too good side. You know? They expect me to be sooooo good, and they afraid I would end up soooooooooooooo bad.

Like, sometimes my mum nags me how she thinks I'm desperate for boyfriends, how I can't even have guy friends, how I could end up being a prostitute if I fail in school. It's not like my grades are all bad..... I'm not stupid.... She said that like I would never make it and it crushes me when my mum doesn't really believe in me. I'm not saying she's bad, I'm saying she's a strict and perfectionist parent and I don't blame her for that. She just wants the best for me but when she doesn't believe me at all like I'm such a failure, it hurts okay just because I can't be the best. I understand she fears what would happen and she's worrying about me. But that doesn't mean I won't make it all. Even if she tries to scare me so I would learn my lesson, still.........

It's like she doesn't know me at all. First, I'm not like those naive stupid teenagers who are so desperate that they fall in love so easily when they don't even know what the hell love means and run away with her boyfriend who ends up being a serial killer. I'm not even stupid and I do choose good friends, I don't just friends with everybody. I don't choose those who are popular, I choose those who definitely are not delinquents. But it's not that I push away the bad ones. I just... avoid being too close to them. Say hi and talk casually is normal but I make sure I won't get too attached with them. And in social websites, I don't just talk to... like.... everyone. I'm being careful alright. I avoid those who seem like creeps or whatsoever. Hell everyone who we befriends with used to be strangers so I can't say I don't talk to strangers all all. I just... don't talk to creepy strangers... And I won't even date those who I only know on social websites. What if they don't even exist but they're just a fake account? *grimaces* That would be so awkward... Besides.. my heart's been stole by Nathan heheheh ok.

I'm not saying that I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. But I definitely am not too careless. I've learned lessons in life okay. From books, or real lives, and hell even my mum's creepy story.

And I can't even have guy friends which is sad..... I mean.... well... it's not like I can avoid from talking to them.

I can't be a perfect daughter.

I love my mum, I do. I just don't like it when she's being so paranoid hm. What upsets me the most is every time I talk to her about my university plans, she will say, "If you make it." Sighs. And one of my mum's friends bragged about his son got 5A in UPSR and then mum starts to give me the look like oh my god that was just UPSR and plus, I got 5A too ok..................

I just don't like it when mum underestimates me, like I'm not good enough just because she saw better ones. She's seen the worse, broken teenagers. I'm not going to end up like those.

All I want is to my mum trusts me more. I'm not saying she should trust me 100% because I'm not that trustworthy... I'm saying that I don't want her to think I'm a disappointment to her.

I love her to death, okay, I do. She's the best, but when it comes to this...

Mm yeah.

I am not even comfortable at being honest with her. It's not that I want to lie to her. It's not that I don't want to open up with her. It's just I'm afraid of her reactions. I wish I could, you know, talk to her about my life, you know? But I can't because... I hate to say this but... she won't understand.

But well what can I say?