this blog is just my past now. sometimes i'm only here for occasional rants/lepaskan geram that i hope no one will read anymore.

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Monday, February 13, 2012

I'm Just The Freak One. Always.

Here's something I want to talk about. And yes, same thing as the previous. What the hell what the hell what the hell. I can't lose any friends! I don't want to! I don't care, maybe we're depending on each other. No? Hell I don't know.

Sometimes we're okay, sometimes we're not. What are we? Do we have something in common?

But sometimes I envy when you and other friends besides our friends. I can't let you be friends with the others. I mean, maybe they are my friends, too. But when they talk to you, with me beside you, it's like I never exist! They just want to talk to you. And they just glanced at me, sometimes not even look at me. And sometimes I feel like, 'Hey, you're talking to my best friend, you gotta talk to me, too.' I just, I don't know.

It's always like this. My best friends are always the one who everyone wants to be friends with. And I'm just the freak best friend.

But at least, at least, I think, I think, my best friend do actually care about me. It's just, maybe we don't have anything to talk about much. But no matter how many wants to be friends with them, cool people or not, they're still stick with me. I mean, maybe they're more... I don't know, comfortable with me?

I feel bragging.

But I'm not.

It's just what I feel.

What I actually feel.


I can't lose anyone anymore. I've lost several of my best friends just because we have not really anything to talk about. Or they're more fun with the others other than me.

But these best friends I have now... I actually should be more grateful. No matter how they depend on me, or not depend on me at all, we're still good. We're still actually good. Not really, but at least, kinda good.

Look at the bright side. Maybe sometimes we have a little misunderstanding. But so what? We're friends. Nobody's perfect. Nothing's perfect! Not even friendship. There's no such thing as perfect friendship. Just friends who depend on each other.

And I couldn't really stay away from them. I love them.

Doesn't mean they're the only my best friends. I have many best friends. Well, not really.... Just close friends.... But who cares? One day I will find someone, my other half. No, not soulmate or whatever you think about. Someone who actually do care, do understand, who actually is or are my best friend(s).

Best friends? They exist. Best friends forever does not.



I love my best friends. Teha, Nadilla, Lissa, Nasuha, Aishah, Shahira ;D, Ellysha, Izatul :-), Xiangjun? I guess. Alya! errr.... Syed? Lol. Shafiq and Wafie? noooooooooo. Wafie maybe yes lol. Farid pun boleh hahahahaha.

Truth is, I love TLCS. I love my PA. I love my soul sister. My girlfriend. I love them.

No such thing as ex-best friend. Wait, maybe yes.... And I forgot who was my best friend..... But the girls I just mentioned, they're my top in my who I love the most in friends lol k.



Although I'm the freak one, the one who's not so cool. The one who's not so pretty. The one who's always the underdog. The one who people just look at me weirdly, don't really want to be my friend, well I'm used to it.

Face it, I still think I'm the coolest, awesome, totally phenomenal person!

Well, that just to increase my confidence level.

Yes, I am maybe sometimes crazy, not so good at conversation, not good at socialising, not so pretty, pimpled-face, stupid one tooth, annoying and yadda yadda yadda, but well, at least I know my weakness. I tried to be better, but it's just the way I am.

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK, BABY, I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

But still.... I need to reduce my annoyance. And my weird looking expression. My weird habit. I don't know, sometimes I feel unique, sometimes I feel typical, but if everyone look at me like I'm a freak, well I guess I'm unique!


Sometimes I do feel insecure, you know? Walking with my best friends, people walk by and talk + smile to my best friends while ignoring me like I'm sort of an idiot. Or like, they steal away away my friends, not even want to say 'Hi!' and have some kind of chat with me, no, no, no.... They just... sigh. I'm underdog, baby! I should stop saying baby, it's so annoying. Oh my god, let's go skating -...-

And sure, I'm not so cool.... I'm not good at socialising.... Or maybe I don't really have much talent to make everyone like me.........

Well, so?




Hey, one day, I will find my own happiness!

And I'm already happy! With my friends! Or best friends! Or my imagination friends! Or pencils, laptop, paper, sketch book, scribbling books,


whatever. I have got to love myself.

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