So-called Friends.

--------- Have you ever heard about freedom of speech? --------

Oh sure, everyone has so-called friend. One friend who you don't even know how the hell you ended up being friends. One friend who stab you at the back. One friend who take you for granted. One friend who has wrong intentions. One friend who you have rely on just because you have no other friends. There's so many kinds of so-called friends.

That one so-called friend. Or two. Or three. Or maybe all your friends are your so-called friends.

I want to talk about what I actually want to talk about, I want to say, just because your friends are absent, doesn't mean you just choose wrong friends. And if you only a few friends, and just with your best friends, sometimes you should be with someone else, you know? Some close friends. So if your "best friends" absent or anything, you can go to your close friends if you don't want to be alone.

I've experienced of being alone for a lot of time. Yes, being alone sucks. Even when I'm with my friends, or my so called best friends, I still feel alone. I always ignored. I always feel left-out. You never even care about my feelings, my dear best friends. I miss my best friends when I was in primary school. They actually care about me. They call me everyday. When I'm absent, I always knew it they will call me, asking me why although they know I always don't go to school. Whenever they cancel meetings or just hurt my feelings, they apologized a lot of times. I miss those days when my best friends actually care. We plan our future.

But best friends forever doesn't exist. Forever never exist.

Now when you're alone, just because we absent, you're pissed at us. I don't just, I guess you're pissed. Do you know the definiton of 'friends'? Friends are not just people who accompany you to everywhere. Friends are not just accessories. We have feelings. You have, I have, we all have. Don't just think about yourself. Don't be selfish.

Oh yes, when I'm with you guys, I feel like I'm not one of you. You talk, laugh and all and I'm just oh ha-ha, i don't know what the hell are you guys talking about. And when I do something, I just don't feel right. I feel like being judged. And when I talk about something, you guys just 'oh ok' and then we say nothing. Like you don't care. We always don't have something to talk about and I don't even know why are we both best friends. I don't get it.

And I don't get it why I'm with you guys, not with me real best friends.

I'm hurt, too. You guys have each other. Wherever you, A are, there's always you, B too. And they never ask, oh Najla's must be with you both. Because you guys are perfect bestfriends and I feel like, what the hell am I here with you both? I feel like I don't fit in right.

Do you know I'm hurt? Sometimes I'm pissed too? I can't stand. No, I can't. And I can't even talk about everything. And you don't know much about me, too. Tell me 5 facts about me, oh I bet you only know what almost everyone I know knows about me.

For years, finally I spit everything out just because I'm worried I might hurt your feelings. But now, today, I don't want to think about anyone's feelings. I want to think about me. Me! I'm tired, give myself chance to be selfish just for once.

And oh yes, I am selfish. Yes, too selfish to think about everyone.

Thank you, I'm out!